What brings you to coaching?
What’s going on in your life that has prompted you to speak to someone…
to finally ask for support?
When people see the word grief they get emotional. It brings back a loss that was pushed aside or ignored because it was too painful to face head on. Denied grief makes people feel isolated and alone in the world. Denied grief leads to health problems like heart trouble, high blood pressure and addictions…all a result of trying to conceal feelings instead of moving through them. The addictions appear as coping mechanisms to avoid the emotional trauma.
What Is Grief?
Think of grief as an energy that follows you around. If you have a significant loss and you don’t deal with it, the grief follows you around. Then you have another loss and another loss….and the grief keeps chasing you.
If you don’t turn around and face the grief it can chase you into depression, addiction, obesity and suicide. It chases you until you turn around and face it…until you become friends with it.
“As a survivor who lost a brother in Vietnam, reading Grief Denied has helped me see the denied grief that is within me — grief and fear that colors my values and lends a dark skepticism to my personality in ways that my own psychiatric training has failed to enlighten.“
B. Jason MacLurg, M.D.
The Right Approach
Embrace grief as a teacher. Be open to the possibility that it has something beneficial to offer you. Change your perspective and see the grief as an energy that carries a gift with it. What benefits could come from aligning with and learning from it?
When I made friends with my grief I saved my life. Before I made this change things were not looking good.
After 25 years of denied grief I was writing suicide notes to my daughter. I was almost 200 lbs and in a severe depression. I was using food to try and get me through it and was trapped in an addiction to over eating. That was in 1990.
By the grace of God I didn’t commit suicide. Once I started embracing my grief so many people and teachers came to me.
I didn’t, I couldn’t, do it alone.
When I turned around and faced my grief a higher intelligence came through and met me. It carried me through and out the other side. I found teachers along the way who would help me move to the next step. Emotional work, therapy, authentic movement and Buddhist meditation…things that taught me to sit still. Before then I was always “being busy”, running away from the grief, trying to stay ahead of it…but I could never do that.
Today there is a lot more joy in my life. I have more faith and more presence. I now have a greater ability to connect with other people, to be intimate with other people…to show people who I am with all my challenges and frailties and to walk through the world with an open heart.
When I show up with an open heart it gives other people permission to share who they are and be open, instead of trying to cover up other aspects of themselves they’re afraid of.
Here’s what a couple clients have said:
“I never realized how closed my heart was until you helped me open it. It was painful but so powerful. I felt joy as I understood my connection with the world…an understanding of this common vulnerability we all share with one another.”
“Pauline is a wise-woman possessing a refreshing combination of compassion, humor and no-nonsense frankness. When she told me that I needed to be witnessed in my grief, it resonated deeply. She showed me how to “turn around and face the grief” of losing my father at 23. She helped me to touch this ancient pain, examine it, express it and release it. She has helped me to acknowledge the multiple losses from that time in my life and to see the effects of those losses on my adult experience. As I step into a life of greater confidence, trust and abundance, I know that I am forever changed by my summer of grieving with Pauline.”
Now I invite you to learn more about me and My Story.