Tag Archives: healing

Let Your Soul Catch Up

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I love my public library. I always wonder what delight I’ll find there. I was as surprised as everyone else to discover that I was a writer when Grief Denied – A Vietnam Widow’s Story, was published in December 1999.  I’ve done a lot of writing since then; such as blog posts and newsletters for my business but I’ve never completed a second book. These days I feel a strong nudge to write about my 70th year and all the miracles it contained.

When I dropped off a book at the library this week, I wandered around a little and found The Power of Pause – Becoming More by Doing Less, by Terry Hershey. The book is based on the principle of Sabbath, which means to cease and to rest. This book makes me pause, and my perceptions sharpen and I weep because this very act of pausing brings awareness of how many moments I have missed. When I pause, I see more, realize more, feel more, give more and enjoy life more.

I recently took a time management class, which was quite insightful.  I realized how much time I piddle away. Yet I don’t enjoy piddling because I feel guilty because I should be producing. I’m so geared to be productive. What has being so productive cost me?

When I was a child, we honored the Sabbath by attending mass at St. Joseph’s Catholic Church every Sunday morning. Mom dressed in her finest navy blue dress, high heels, and a hat. Dad wore his only suit, white shirt and tie and his hat, course. All 5 kids were dressed up in our Sunday best.  After Mass mom made a big lunch – chicken and dumplings. I used to beg for a dumpling before she threw it in the boiling gravy.  After lunch, we all packed into the 1955 Chevy for a drive in the country to see our farmland. My father loved pulling a few ears of corn and wheat to bring back to display in his retail store. On Sunday’s evenings we had a light dinner with fried bologna sandwiches, Angel Food Cake and J-e-l-l-o. My father didn’t work on Sundays but as a Midwest housewife mother never stopped working.   The best part of the Sabbath was when mom collapsed into the swing on the porch for a brief rest. She rarely sat down so all five of us would scurry to grab the seat next to her.

In elementary school I had a paper route. Before and after school, I had to fold my papers, stack them in the newspaper bag, get that big bag in my bike basket and deliver them to every home’s front porch. I acquired the habit of being productive very early in life.

My physical therapist tells me to do the exercises she gives me so slowly that I start to cry. I’m not accustomed to moving so slowly and consciously. For this day I will pause, reflect, pray and be still so I don’t miss too many more minutes of my life. And work on my second book. 2016(c) All Rights Reserved. Pauline Laurent, CPCC

 

 

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“I don’t do grief…

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The Journey through Grief.

I’ve had so many losses, I don’t want to go back and look at any of them.”  This was the response I received recently when I asked a friend if she had ever read my book.

I didn’t do grief either… until grief …did me… by rendering me powerless. It took 20 years. I couldn’t work, couldn’t sleep, and couldn’t continue  in the same old rut of denial.   Denial is like a blanket we wrap around ourselves. We can’t see the light with this thick blanket wrapped around us and we don’t even know we are doing this to ourselves until we begin to peek out from under the blanket and see the brilliance we’ve been missing out on.

Suppressing grief is like trying to keep an octopus covered with a small blanket; eventually the octopus escapes and scampers down the street wreaking havoc in your life.

Being numb is not the worse state of affairs,” you might say, but there’s no joy, aliveness or magic in it. This is what I know for sure, as Oprah would say. Unresolved grief casts a shadow over everything that is beautiful in life. When you give up resistance to grieving and  work with a grief coach to address your losses, unseen spiritual and human allies show up to lead you. After you excavate the unexpressed emotions, you are reborn with a new vitality and wisdom born out of your courageous journey. You bring back your wisdom to your people. The product of my journey into unresolved grief was my book, Grief Denied A Vietnam Widow’s Story.  http://www.griefdenied.com

Ignoring my losses, one after another, led to shouldering through life, getting through yet another funeral and continuing to bear the burden of trying to hold denied grief inside. I just ran from the many losses by maintaining a busy life. Each loss denied and unexpressed enlarges into a mass, which grows and grows, like a snowball rolling down a mountain sucking everything into its path.

The only way to stop the tidal wave of losses is to stop and face them, welcome grief into your life, ask it to sit with you and teach you the lesson it has brought for you.

A traumatic loss is like a chest wound that needs immediate care. If you try to bandage it, it gets infected and becomes an even bigger threat to your physical and emotional health.

I work with people who are ready to face grief. I invite you to contact me if these words resonate with you for an introductory session of healing and the beginning of a courageous journey.

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