Tag Archives: grief

Changes in 2017

The sun is setting on another year. After a whole year of looking I finally found a home I wanted to purchase. I moved at the end of October and am getting settled as a “first time” home owner in Northern California. I almost waited too long to make this move.

It’s certain that the New Year (2017) will bring change. Many people in my beloved state of California were  shocked by the election results.  California is known as a “blue” state.  Many people around me are fearful, angry,  and despairing. Having lived through a few major political changes in our country has taught me to not get too attached to any particular result. Many of us have lived long enough to know change is inevitable, but we forget. We are drawn to certainty. We feel safe when we know what the future holds.

However, I grow spiritually when I face uncertainty. In the midst of change  I can expand to learn more tolerance, patience and kindness toward people who have different ideas  and values..

I also abide by a deep faith in the benevolence of the universe. I called that benevolence “God”. It has been clear to me so many times that in the long run, there is something good about change.

So many of my spiritual books discuss the value of “living with uncertainty”. The minute I think I know something for sure, I’m often shown that what I think I know is just not so. It makes for a life of flexibility, tolerance and a deepening of respect for the process of how long it takes for human beings to grow and change and the difficulties we must face to adopt new ways of being.

As the teachings of Abraham and the 12 Step Recovery programs have taught me, we came here (into this earth existence)  to expand and along this journey of expansion, we take many steps, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly but in each step, we are looking for expansion.

My favorite prayer these days is “God, help me set aside everything I think I know for an open mind and a new experience.” It gets me through a lot of days with more joy and less fear.

Blessings to you for continued growth, expansion and opportunities to practice patience, tolerance, kindness and love toward all beings.  There  will be changes in  2017 and my belief is that we will all grow as a result of the changes. I must believe “All is well”.

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“I don’t do grief…

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The Journey through Grief.

I’ve had so many losses, I don’t want to go back and look at any of them.”  This was the response I received recently when I asked a friend if she had ever read my book.

I didn’t do grief either… until grief …did me… by rendering me powerless. It took 20 years. I couldn’t work, couldn’t sleep, and couldn’t continue  in the same old rut of denial.   Denial is like a blanket we wrap around ourselves. We can’t see the light with this thick blanket wrapped around us and we don’t even know we are doing this to ourselves until we begin to peek out from under the blanket and see the brilliance we’ve been missing out on.

Suppressing grief is like trying to keep an octopus covered with a small blanket; eventually the octopus escapes and scampers down the street wreaking havoc in your life.

Being numb is not the worse state of affairs,” you might say, but there’s no joy, aliveness or magic in it. This is what I know for sure, as Oprah would say. Unresolved grief casts a shadow over everything that is beautiful in life. When you give up resistance to grieving and  work with a grief coach to address your losses, unseen spiritual and human allies show up to lead you. After you excavate the unexpressed emotions, you are reborn with a new vitality and wisdom born out of your courageous journey. You bring back your wisdom to your people. The product of my journey into unresolved grief was my book, Grief Denied A Vietnam Widow’s Story.  http://www.griefdenied.com

Ignoring my losses, one after another, led to shouldering through life, getting through yet another funeral and continuing to bear the burden of trying to hold denied grief inside. I just ran from the many losses by maintaining a busy life. Each loss denied and unexpressed enlarges into a mass, which grows and grows, like a snowball rolling down a mountain sucking everything into its path.

The only way to stop the tidal wave of losses is to stop and face them, welcome grief into your life, ask it to sit with you and teach you the lesson it has brought for you.

A traumatic loss is like a chest wound that needs immediate care. If you try to bandage it, it gets infected and becomes an even bigger threat to your physical and emotional health.

I work with people who are ready to face grief. I invite you to contact me if these words resonate with you for an introductory session of healing and the beginning of a courageous journey.

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